third-grade 10 MATT SPROUTS AND THE CURSE OF THE TEN BROKEN TOES I love ninjas Wait is there a better word than love Whatever it is that's how I feel about ninjas I can tell you all the facts too like how they were amazing warfare experts in ancient Japan or how many weapons they knew how to use I begged my parents to let me train to become a ninja but the closest we could get was karate classes which didn't last long The instructor left town which meant I could only watch TV and practice what I saw from cartoons Of course I never practiced my moves on anyone Once I tried to karate chop Elliott my soon-to-be third-grade brother when he reached for some of my chips during a picnic but Dad caught me Take THAT And THAT I yelled and flung my straight toward Elliott's face hand Before I could even get one hit Dad grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me to the ground If you even think about doing that again Saturday morning cartoons are done Are we clear His finger was so close to my nose that I could smell the oil and dirt from his shop Dad seemed mad that day but I knew exactly what he was trying to say My karate moves were clearly too powerful to use on a person So I decided to keep them to myself most of the time Anyways back to morning cartoons I turned to channel 9 and sat at the edge of the cushions shoving spoonful after spoonful of peanut buttery goodness
KARATE MOVES 11 in my mouth For the next thirty minutes the television owned me I watched ninjas fly across the screen kicking and punching their way through all sorts of dangerous foes I made sure to follow in their footsteps I mimicked every move they made in the center of the living room floor A flying flying kick No problem I climbed to the top of the couch arm and let loose a giant KAPOW as I sliced my leg through the air A crouching spin kick Easy KAPOW
12 MATT SPROUTS AND THE CURSE OF THE TEN BROKEN TOES I got really into it and I ran and grabbed my stuffed animals from the bedroom during the commercial For the rest of the show my teddy bears and stuffed giraffe served as excellent punching bags By the time my parents woke up they found a war zone of beaten toys spilled cereal bowls and a torn couch It was a massacre Mom went ballistic Matt What in the world happened in here She was standing in her robe with her empty coffee mug What is that Did you stab your stuffed bear with a spoon And why does the couch look crooked MATT Mom always lectures me about staying off the furniture but she never understands the importance of practice How was I supposed to master a flying roundhouse kick without without jumping off the couch That's impossible Moms never understand She huffed her final assault Your father and I have to run into town this morning so before you go to the Monklings Monklings house next door this needs to be picked up or you'll spend the entire weekend in your room Is that understood Sure whatever I mumbled and removed the spoon from the bear's chest But as soon as Mom and Dad left I skipped cleanup and knocked on Eric Monkling's door instead instead He answered in his pajamas Hey Eric I said Guess I'm at your house this morning morning while my parents are gone Put some shoes on and get out here It's the first day of summer vacation and there's no time to waste
KARATE MOVES 13 His eyes were barely open Mmmm okay he grumbled Despite his lack of energy he put on his shoes and followed me out the door No kid could resist an invitation to play outside even at 8:00 in the morning Eric is part of the Monkling family who lives next door He is a grade older than me and shares my love for karate ninjas and soccer He's not as skilled as I am I'm practically an expert at everything but we have a good time together and he's my best friend Eric and I were going to build a mud house in the creek out back but we were interrupted by an unstoppable force Hey guys What are you doing Jenna asked us from over the fence Ugh Jenna Eric's younger sister She is a royal pain in the butt She is a grade below me but acts like we are best friends and trails me everywhere I said What are you doing she repeated None of your business Eric and I said together Jenna ignored our obvious get-lost hint Let's play tag C'mon Jenna you always say that Go play tag with yourself I insisted and threw some mud in her direction yourself But I want to play NOW she screamed She shook the fence like a toddler in a playpen and began her usual assault of tears and screams It took a full hour of screaming but she finally got her way Since we didn't want to be the only ones suffering we forced my brother Elliott and Eric's younger brother Kyle to play tag too
