The Wonderful Baron Doppelgänger Device

The Wonderful Baron Doppelgänger Device — page 3 — whoever he or she really is I looked over at the fake W B He was beginning to sweat But then again he looked exactly like me and I tend to sweat a lot In fact I felt my forehead and realized that I was sweating too Why are you touching my forehead the fake W B asked me Oops We look so much alike that even I’m confused about which one is the real me Sorry Go ahead and use the Gänger-Doppel Device on them McLaron M told P as she nervously clutched his arm I want my son back P frowned Then he looked at Geoffrey and smiled again In P’s defense Geoffrey really was a clever horse We were all quite fond of him me M tweaked P’s nose and he once again focused on me and the fake There is a slight problem with this invention Sharon P told M You see if you use the Gänger-Doppel Device on someone who hasn’t had the Doppelgänger Device used on them first it will try to reverse and undo who they are which can’t be done since they already are who they are Understand Huh I said Huh the fake me said I’m glad that the fake me was just as confused as the real me Otherwise I would have been rather embarrassed I may be slow but at least I’m as slow as myself I nervously ran my fingers through my hair Why are you running your fingers through my hair the fake me asked Sorry I thought it was my hair

The Wonderful Baron Doppelgänger Device — page 4 — What are you saying McLaron M asked P What happens if you use this Gänger-Doppel Device on the real W B instead of the fake W B Basically what I’m trying to say P said as he nervously licked his lips is that if I use it on the real W B it will turn his skin inside out For a moment no one spoke I wasn’t certain of many things but I was pretty darn certain that I didn’t want to have my skin turned inside out I was actually quite used to having it outside in or right side out or whatever it’s called when your skin is the way that it’s supposed to be I didn’t know what would happen to a person who had their skin turned inside out but I imagined that it wouldn’t be too pleasant At the very least it would be terribly messy Are you confused You look confused You’re scratching your head more than usual which means you’re either confused or you forgot to wash the soap out of your hair during your bath Don’t feel bad I do that all the time Maybe I should start at the beginning I’m currently at the end where things aren’t going too well for me and if I start at the beginning maybe you’ll understand why My name is Waldo Baron but since I consider Waldo to be the second worst name in the world I prefer to be called W B instead My

The Wonderful Baron Doppelgänger Device — page 5 — parents who I call P and M are two of the cleverest inventors who have ever lived They used to have an assistant named Rose Blackwood who happens to be the little sister of Benedict Blackwood the worst criminal in the history of history who lived with us but because of an incident involving the Doppelgänger Device Rose decided to quit working for my parents and moved out Actually she was arrested and put in jail but I’ll get to that later We live in a large home just outside of Pitchfork Arizona Territory and we call our home the Baron Estate We live there with my Aunt Dorcas who has what I consider to be the first worst name in the world She is a weepy and frumpy woman who is bothered and annoyed by everything But once you get past all her whining and crying and complaining and off-key singing she’s really alright she’s still pretty awful But there isn’t anything that I can do about it You know what I just realized that if I start from the very beginning I’ll need to tell you about a whole lot of unimportant stuff Let me skip to a few weeks before the Doppelgänger Device ruined our lives That lousy invention is the reason why I’m currently standing at the edge of a cliff with a fake W B who is claiming to be the real me It’s also the reason why there’s now a fifty-fifty chance that my father will press a button on his new invention that will cause my skin to turn inside out You see it all began six weeks ago The entire class pointed at me and laughed

The Wonderful Baron Doppelgänger Device — page 6 — Most of my stories start with a large group of people pointing at me and laughing I suppose I should be upset by that but to tell you the truth it’s kind of nice that I’ve given so many people joy At least they don’t all point at me and cry That would be depressing Class please don’t laugh at Waldo my teacher Miss Danielle said as she sighed and gently rubbed her eyes I winced I’d rather be covered in honey and dropped on an anthill than be called Waldo and I’m not exaggerating one bit by saying that You might be telling yourself that I’m underestimating how horrible it would be to actually be dropped on an anthill while covered in honey But just last week I really was covered in honey and dropped onto an anthill so I know exactly what I’m talking about In case you’re wondering who did that to me it was me I accidentally did it to myself I was making myself a bacon and honey sandwich accidentally fell out of the kitchen window rolled down a hill and ended up covered in honey and ants I’m what you might call a little bit clumsy Alright that’s a lie I’m what you might call insanely ridiculously unbelievably comically bafflingly astonishingly horribly wonderfully incomparably undeniably bewilderingly extremely astoundingly unforgivably clumsy and even that is letting me off a bit easy I’m the sort of kid who while he’s asleep in bed will accidentally roll out of a second story window and then land on a horse that bucks him into a swamp where he’ll drop into an alligator’s open mouth and then be coughed up into a raging river which ends in a fifty-foot waterfall drop That actually happened to me last month when my family visited the state of Louisiana It was not a highlight of the trip In fact after I dropped off the edge of that waterfall I experienced very few highlights

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