She paused every few words to breathe Her lungs had to work twice as hard as anyone else’s I dropped my bike onto the grass and settled in beside her She asked You’re all packed Passport Pointe shoes Toothbrush Three pairs of new pointe shoes with ribbons and elastics sewn on I replied A few shallow breaths You’ll love New York I went there before you were born with your dad It’s got such an energy to it bursting with skyscrapers and people I sipped my coffee to avoid responding I had auditioned for the summer intensive because that’s what my ballet teachers expected of their advanced students Two months of no training was too long Muscles lost their strength flexibility flexibility and precision in less But I had not expected to get in I kept waiting for excitement to settle in the jitters of happiness Girls fought for the chance to train with the renowned teachers at Joffrey Ballet School But I just felt anxious Dad signed me up for ballet when I was seven Since then he had often found Aunt Ivy and me dancing barefoot in her backyard surrounded 2 KATHERINE RICHARDS
by flowers She’d leave her oxygen tank on the step Out on the grass she’d raise her arms to her shoulders and twirl head thrown back I’d spin beside her Do you feel that Nova she’d ask Do you feel it And there with Aunt Ivy beside me I always felt the bubbled joy in my chest In those moments it felt like she didn’t have cystic fibrosis That she could do anything she wanted with her life She seemed at her best when we spoke ballet anything Her breathing appeared less burdened easier fuller better Bug Aunt Ivy leaned toward me bringing me back to the front porch New York Are you excited I stirred my coffee focusing on the swirling liquid in my mug Yeah just nervous She settled back into her chair Perfectly normal but it’s going to be wonderful I can feel it I can’t wait to hear all about it I left Aunt Ivy’s at nine with a cucumber sandwich sandwich tucked in my basket She wanted me to have 3 NOVA IN NEW YORK
a snack for the plane She waited at the gate as I biked away At the end of the lane I dropped one sneaker-clad foot on the pavement and looked back She stood there waving with both arms her wrists crossing above her head I blew her a kiss and then pedaled away At home my key grated in the lock resisting Cool air met me when I stepped inside Nova That you my dad replied his voice muffled by the whir of the air conditioner He always asked even though it was just the two of us Just your friendly neighborhood burglar I called out Guilt made my stomach churn My dad would be alone while I was in New York wandering around a too-big house He’d have no one to call out to when he got home from work There would be no Sundays at the Grand River Raceway making five-dollar bets He’d have to go star searching by himself My dad stepped out of his office His tie was loosely tied around his neck and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows A smudge of blue ink ran down his temple and mixed into his silver hair 4 KATHERINE RICHARDS
You said goodbye to Ivy There’s ink on your face I tapped the side of my head Yeah she said to call after you’ve dropped me at the airport Right Will do He rubbed at the smudge Reminds me I bought you something to eat on the plane He went back into his office and rummaged through his briefcase When he couldn’t find what he was looking for he began to search the room You excited I leaned on the doorframe and avoided the question Are you sure you’ll both be okay while I’m gone He began to empty his jacket pockets Of course I know you don’t believe it but Ivy and I can take care of ourselves I spotted a grocery bag on the floor and pulled out a deli sandwich Dad I held it out I didn’t tell him Aunt Ivy had already made me one Oh There it is New York will be amazing and the school will be amazing This is what you’ve always wanted Nova He pulled me in for a hug Don’t second-guess yourself now 5 NOVA IN NEW YORK
