Chapter 1 AH SUMMER IN YAWNEE VALLEY Welcome welcome Smell the wildflowers blooming in the woods Smell the cows who bend down with hungry lips to tear those wildflowers from their stems chewing them swallowing them and regurgitating them up and down to and fro from mouth to stomach to mouth again for hours and hours till their petals petals pistils and stamens have degraded into cud which the cows finally digest Sorry That was disgusting But hey the 1
flowers have nice names Peaseblossom and thistle broom and leek Cowslips hawthorn eglantine And of course heartsease heartsease known too as Johnny jump up or love in idleness or the field violet If you've read the first two books in this series The Terrible Two and The Terrible Two Get Worse you know the field violet is a special kind of flower The field violet is the state flower And if you know that then you probably know it's illegal to pick them It's not like you'd get sent to jail Still it's frowned upon You could get in trouble Of course trouble never stopped these two and it probably probably never will
That's a lot of violets One of us smells like a turkey said Miles He's the one on the right What said Niles He's the other one the one on the left Like a turkey said Miles Like Thanksgiving dinner One of us smells like Thanksgiving dinner Oh said Niles Yeah That's you What said Miles How do you know it's me Niles pointed to a couple of places on Miles's outfit You're wearing sage And leeks You rub that stuff on a turkey You could have warned me said Miles I said just do violets It's true Niles had said that But early that morning when they were scrounging flowers in the forest for camouflage Miles had thought it'd be cool to have some variety A little white A couple shades of purple So he'd picked some leeks and some sage and even some wild garlic Now that he was belly down in a violet patch breathing hard and baking in the midday sun Miles was having regrets When Miles had regrets he tended to act as if he had no regrets Well I still think it looks good said Miles
