Banjo of Destiny

Banjo of Destiny — page 3 — Jeremiah’s bedroom suite was on the third floor It had a grand entertainment center private bathroom with a lion’s foot bathtub and a separate marble shower stall with stereo speakers built in There was a refrigerator stocked with drinks and three walk-in closets one for casual wear one for formal attire and one for toys The desk where he did his homework would have suited the president of a bank From his private turret Jeremiah could look down at the artificial waterfall that fed into the moat His father had stocked the moat with trout That way Jeremiah could enjoy the experience of fishing without the disappointment of not catching anything Jeremiah’s house was built from floss dental floss His parents had made their fortune from a dental-floss dispenser that mounted on the bathroom wall The dispenser used laser light rays and a miniature computer to measure a person’s mouth and dispense the precise length of floss required The deluxe model let a person choose a flavor such as mint raspberry chocolate pecan heavenly hash or banana smoothie It was something nobody knew they needed until the television and billboard and internet advertisements told them they did And if you don’t have one in your house yet well don’t a room worry You will soon Jeremiah had absolutely everything he could want He

Banjo of Destiny — page 4 — was a very lucky boy as his parents reminded him every day Not many kids have what you have Jeremiah his father would say The most advanced home computer available A miniature electric Rolls-Royce that you can drive yourself A tennis court with a robot opponent you can always beat Do you know how lucky you are Yes I do Jeremiah said He meant it too What could a kid like Jeremiah have to complain about Absolutely nothing THIS WAS Jeremiah Curly red hair Freckles Pale skin that burned easily in the sun His mother made him wear sunscreen even in the winter A slouch when he walked even though his father told him to stand up straight Remember you’re a Birnbaum Hands that were always fiddling with restaurant menus gum wrappers wax from a dining-room candle A total lack of interest in the international dental-floss market Jeremiah understood that his parents wanted to give him everything because they themselves had once had nothing

Banjo of Destiny — page 5 — His father Albert had worked as a store window cleaner moving down the street with his long-handled squeegee and his bucket of soapy water He began work early and he finished late but he barely made enough to survive At night exhausted he would look up at the cracked ceiling from the narrow bed in his rented room and dream about finding some way to make his life better Jeremiah’s mother Abigail ran a hotdog cart She didn’t own the cart She just worked for the man who did Mr Smerge Mr Smerge complained if her customers used up the condiments Too many pickles too little profit he scolded At the end of each week Albert would treat himself to a hotdog for dinner loading it with pickles onions hot peppers and sauerkraut He thought Abigail had a nice smile but he was too shy to start up a conversation Instead he sat on a bench near the cart and ate his hotdog by himself One day Albert felt something caught between his teeth sorry he said He tried to work it out with his tongue and then hoping nobody was watching with his finger When he looked up he saw the woman from the hotdog cart standing in front of him She was holding out a little container of dental floss Albert said thank you and tore off a piece of floss I’ve taken more than I need What a waste I’m so

Banjo of Destiny — page 6 — There ought to be a dispenser that gives you just the right amount don’t you think And that’s when Albert’s eyes lit up Jeremiah had heard the story many times about how his parents had come up with the idea for their invention How his parents courtship was spent designing the dispenser Abigail did the research on laser calculation computer miniaturization as well as the dispensing mechanics Albert learned how to set up a manufacturing operation and distribution network Jeremiah understood that his parents had grown up with so little that they wanted only the best for him But he didn’t see why he had to be a gentleman as his father called it Why he had to know how to shake hands and call people Sir and Ma’am Why he had to wait until everyone else was seated before sitting down himself at the dining table You have to know how to behave around rich and That’s all right I do it all the time said Abigail powerful people his father said They expect a certain standard Especially from children Your mother and I never learned these things but you will It’s why we insist you take all those lessons So you will be an accomplished and impressive young man Jeremiah certainly did have a busy after-school program Every day at four o’clock one teacher or another rang the doorbell For ballroom dancing Etiquette Watercolor

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