The Way I Say It

The Way I Say It — page 1 — For Kate and Vijay the two best characters I'll ever create

The Way I Say It — page 2 — 1 Hello My Name Is I can't say my name Not because it's a secret or anything Honestly I'd shout it into a microphone right now if I could I'd give up anything to be able to do that Even my guitar playing fingertip calluses which took like a million hours to get The first half million hours hurt A lot Go ahead Introduce yourself and tell us one fun thing you did this summer Mrs. Nash repeats as if I'm not answering because I forgot the instructions Standing in front of the class I grip and release the fabric of my mesh shorts I try to take a deep breath but manage only a fluttery gulp I look toward the back of the room and focus on the crammed bookshelf and the ripped beanbag chair in front of it Anything but all the faces staring at me Waiting I glance at the clock When the second hand reaches the ten I'll do it No. I've already been up here too long Get it over with Now Big breath Tense tongue muscles Squeeze the side edges hard against my teeth

The Way I Say It — page 3 — 2 I'm Wohwy I push the words out on a rush of air Mrs. Nash bunches up her eyebrows and flicks her fingers through her short spiky hair taking forever to scan the class list before she looks back up She says Oh Rory Here you are Rory Mitchell Someone whispers The already warm room suddenly seems ten degrees hotter Well Rory she says emphasizing the two r's as if that will help me say them better what did you do for fun this summer My mind starts to buzz like an amplifier set at max sound I was hoping to skip this part As nervous as I've been about starting a new school I figured that by sixth grade the teachers would have knocked this question off their playlists I pretend to clear my throat and the cough comes out as a dry little squeak The clock ticks Say something Say something Just go with your gut That's what my guitar teacher at music and arts camp always said when we were improvising But I can't I have to carefully choose what I say next I force my brain to work scanning for r's and skipping any idea that has one riding my bike running my first 5K going to Rhode Island Come on Something without an r Kids shift in their seats and the whispers spread Let's give Rory our full attention please says Mrs. Nash Not helpful I went to the beach I manage to blurt out Mrs. Nash looks as relieved as I am when I'm done and Melanie Franklin whose desk is next to mine stands up to take her turn We've been in the same class since third grade and her hairstyle has never changed Two long straight braids every day

The Way I Say It — page 4 — She won our school spelling bee in fourth and fifth grade The girl is a human spell-check I detest this she whispers as we pass in the aisle Up at the front she tugs on her braids and her words rush together The only time she doesn't look completely tortured is when she tells us that today is her birthday I nod at her when she sits down and she rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out to the side I settle into my chair and push my damp sweaty hair up off my forehead From the safety of my seat I survey the room again There are a ton of people I don't recognize now that we're all mixed together for middle school I see only four other kids from my elementary school five if you count me but I'm trying not to be seen Just then the door creaks open and Brent Milliken walks in Sorry he mumbles Locker I tense when he comes down my row but he walks right by me like I'm invisible He heads over to a chair next to a kid who didn't go to our old school He looks kind of familiar though Saved you a spot bro the guy says picking up a folder he'd put on the seat His wide head is plopped right on top of massive shoulders stuffed into a green hoodie and his hair is buzzed on the sides with a fuzzy yellow strip in the middle He reminds me of a Minecraft cornstalk They bump fists I try to hide my surprise by focusing on the Welcome to Language Arts handout in front of me In the margin I draw a bass clef staff and start filling in a low steady beat thwamm thwamm thwamm Everything okay back there Rory asks Mrs. Nash I look down at my clenched left fist and realize I'm pounding the desk 3

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